Friday, November 27, 2009

no big deal

hypios and rock brothers

to some of my readers this may sound like no big deal.

going south to ride, we've all done it lots of times over the years. when the weather in the big city gets cold, cloudy and smoggy, we head 4 hrs south to moab or st george. my fave is st george. the trail systems down here are excellent. the weather is almost as good. 60-65 today.
so the last few years i've been off the bike, living "the real life"
it wasnt me, and i wasnt sure why i was doing it. over the past 6 weeks i've done a lot of thinking about why. why i chose that life and if it was what i really wanted. at the time it felt ok, but now i look back and see what my friends told me. most of them told me why are you doing this?
i dont really know, but its basically dumping all of my energy into 1 person and forgetting all about myself.
not good, and it didnt have a good ending. i have always known to keep true to myself, but i didnt do this. i strayed from my true path and i wasnt happy with myself, i fell into a deep cave of self loathing and who would want to be around that.
i created such a dynamic polar relationship i drove her to force me to change, on my own. back to what i once devoted every hour of my life for and every bit of energy i had to. whatever that was im not sure, an OCD ADD eccentric bike rider. big deal, its not like i was world champ or making tons of money off of. it was a passion that died and when that happened i died. who would want to be around that.
i wouldnt.

so today reminded why i used to come down here all the time, just to do this jem loop. i would drive by myself 4 hrs and ride it for 2 hrs. then a few times i would drive home 4 more hrs. it seems silly now, but i once knew what made me be alive.
today i wasnt thinking and obsessing over my past, most the day i was with fellow bikers and my worries were gone. everything was easy and the flow was back. im sure i wasnt super fast like the old days but the feeling of being on a mtn bike ripping flow 1 track made me remember the old days and why i would drive all day to get out of the inversion of salt lake to come down here and even for a few hours forget about my easy/hard life.
easy/hard is both because its not hard, but i make the easiest life i know hard and i make things more complicated than i need to and im working on looking at my blessings rather than my problems. because in the long run my problems are just not that bad compared to many other people.

so im back regularly on the mtn bike shredding trail, over the last few months i've been so slow i couldnt ride uphill, so i did 1 hr city rides. but over the last month the weight is falling off and the effort required is minimal to ride trails. in 2 months i'll be up to full speed again and once that happens the goal is not to fall into this pit, its a yearly cycle i want to avoid.

yesterday i got out with some locals in the mud and snow, it was cold and smoggy.

today we got out with more friends, old and new. the hypios, the rock brothers, passed chippo going the other way, (wrong way) and even for a few minutes alex g. while he passed by me at hr 100 goin what seemed like 40mph.

more tomorrow in green valley, there are some new trails on the rim cliffs, probly not too long but its a good area to rip around for a few hours.

oh ya and brad g was out on the road bike for 4 hrs. thats gotta be boring.

1 comment:

Team Rico said...

cant wait to join you