Tuesday, January 30, 2007

take your pick

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Greater SLC market:

"Park City Barbie"

She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a million dollar home. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

"East Bench Barbie"

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

"The Avenues Barbie"

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Avenues Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

"Provo Barbie"

She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always at church meetings.

"Kearns Barbie"

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

"Emigration Canyon Barbie"

This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as newly built high rise condo
"Rose Park Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and 2 infant dolls. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. White boy Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.


flahute said...

East Bench Barbie is the hottest, but only if she ditches the H2 for the Bimmer.

Team Rico said...

Mix Provo with Rose park and a dash of Kearns you get Ragtown Barbie chillin in her trailer waiting for her cowboy to get home from Bill's Lounge (a bar in Magna)

jsager said...

"This doll is made of actual tofu"